She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize