textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize