FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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