she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize