blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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