Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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