A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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