i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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