turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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