I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
