The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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