Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize