If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize