wake up i wanna do it froggy style
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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