she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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