i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize