I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I love you. Go after that dick
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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