i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize