I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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