you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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