i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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