Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize