Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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