Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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