So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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