YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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