I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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