i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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