im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All the doctor said was why
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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