i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize