i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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