he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize