Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize