i just sent this text using only my big toe
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize