How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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