i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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