he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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