My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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