i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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