I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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