JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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