I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize