Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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