I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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