so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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