my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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