U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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