he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize