ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize