So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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