I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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